Motivation Is a Bitch: Why We Hustle for Others but Ghost Our Own Dreams

10 Aug, 2025

I was once given a week to build a machine learning model to predict solar power as part of a job application for a meteorological data scientist role. And guess what? I worked on this task for most of that week, writing Quarto notebooks (a more fancy way to write Jupyter notebooks) and documenting all the steps in a githhub repo like it owed me money. No distractions, no excuses.

But then, when it comes to my own projects—those shiny ideas I dream up in my head with no deadlines, no one waiting on me, no external pressure—suddenly motivation throws me under the bus. I’ll go the gym, work after hours on things related to work, watch random crap on tv, but actually starting working on my own dreams? Hilarious.

If you’ve ever wondered why you bust your ass for someone else’s ask but can’t seem to muster the same drive for your own goals, you’re not alone. Science says this is a thing.¹

The Tug of War: External vs. Internal Motivation

External motivation is when you do something because someone or something outside of you demands it—think job tasks, manager’s requests, or deadlines. There are real consequences: you want the job, the praise, the paycheck, or just to avoid looking like a slacker.

Internal motivation is when you carve your own path because you find it meaningful, interesting, or just plain fun. It’s the satisfaction of tinkering on a project for the sheer joy of it.

Here’s where the brain does us dirty: we’re often way better at following through with things that other people demand than those we dream up for ourselves. External motivators create urgency and accountability. Forgetful brain? Don’t worry—your boss will remind you. Hit a roadblock? External pressure keeps you moving. But turn inward, and those guardrails vanish. No deadlines, no angry emails, no awkward check-ins. Just you and the sound of your latest excuse echoing around your noggin.

Why Are We So Motivated to Do Stuff for Other People?

External motivators—like deadlines, deadlines, and, uh… deadlines—are bossy little buggers. Work tasks (especially for a potential employer!) come with natural urgency, clear rules, and obvious consequences. People crave approval and validation, and nobody wants to look flaky or disappoint a boss. That’s why it’s so easy to grind away for work projects but hard to get started on your own ambitions.²

On the flip side, internal projects often have fuzzy outcomes and loose structure. They’re amorphous, slippery, and, whew, easy to procrastinate.

Our Own Ideas: A Hotbed of Hesitation

You’d think dreaming up your own project would get you hyped, but our brains have other plans. Here’s why DIY motivation sucks sometimes:

• Lack of Structure: No deadlines, no milestones, no one breathing down your neck = infinite procrastination pit.
• Fear of Failing Ourselves: At work, if we flop, we at least did what we were told. On solo projects? Failure feels more personal, more permanent, more… yikes. Too Many Options Paralysis: When it’s your vision, you have all the choices, and suddenly it’s overwhelming. Who knew freedom could be so… stressful?
• Familiarity Blindness: We get used to our own ideas. They become “background noise” compared to urgent external asks.

How Do You Beat Motivation at Its Own Game?

• Add External Structure: Use deadlines, public commitments, or mini rewards to create faux "bosses" for your internal projects.
• Break Tasks Down: Make your ideas as concrete as any work assignment—small steps, deadlines, and accountability buddies.
• Recognize the Pattern: Give yourself grace. This gap in motivation is normal, and half the magic is just noticing you’re not alone in the struggle. ³

So yeah—motivation really is a bitch. But once you see the game, you get to cheat the system. That’s the secret sauce behind getting your personal projects off the ground: give them a slice of the urgency and structure you’d offer your boss, and watch what happens.